As I stared blankly out my window, it hit me like a cat jumping off the fridge – days are just passing by. Every morning feels like déjà vu: wake up, hydrate like a responsible adult, perform a bathroom routine that only half-wakes me up, have that precious cup of coffee that I clutch like a lifeline, stretch out in some yoga poses, and finally attempt to look presentable for work. The day blends into itself. I work, but distractions interrupt – Instagram scrolling, imagining my cats judging me for my poor pet-parenting skills, and oh, more work. Eating becomes another clock to punch, I chat with my mom in the evening, and before I know it, it's time to sleep again, my head spinning in existential wonder.
I've been at this crossroads so many times that my brain is convinced I've taken up permanent residence. I swear, when I was younger, it was easier to navigate through these stages. Now, it feels like this one is on endless repeat.
Maybe it's because the adulting game has upped its difficulty level. Balancing full-time work, a household, and my sanity is no walk in the park.
Or maybe I've just become weary from the number of times I've been in this rut. Wasn't I supposed to have everything figured out by now? Maybe that was wishful thinking.
Or maybe I'm the problem, and everyone else has their lives together. At least it looks like it on Instagram.
Maybe I'm just lazy and avoidant.
Maybe those life coaches who preach waking up at 5 a.m. and organizing life with color-coded to-do lists know what they're doing. Or maybe they don't, and they're just winging it like the rest of us.
Maybe the decisions were simpler in the past. Now, they require spreadsheets, pie charts, and three-month plans.
Maybe I'm making it worse in my head because I've become more cautious as I've aged. Or maybe I'm overthinking it all.
Maybe it's just a phase and my recency bias makes it seem like forever. Maybe I always felt like this when pondering my next steps.
Maybe it's supposed to be confusing, and I'm not meant to have all the answers.
Maybe planning doesn't always pan out. It's not like moving from grade 9 to grade 10 with a pre-written syllabus.
Maybe this is the reality that smacks you when you hit 30.
Maybe I'm just finding my creative path, and it takes time for the magic to unfold.
Maybe I just need to trust myself and be patient. Everyone has their own unique journey.
You see, the possibilities are many! There is a full list of Maybe’s to think about things and your life in general.
As I am writing this I am thinking about the leaf I met a few months ago. I was bathing in a waterfall in the middle of the forest. My brother took me there. There was no one there except me and my brother, and a few chirpy birds. The nature was our home, protecting us and providing us. My brother, who is a full-time traveler and nature lover calls this place as one of his homes. While I was there, I remember looking at the leaf, flowing silently through the water in the middle of the jungle, and thinking- This leaf has its own journey, no one knows where it came from and where it’ll go. It was uncertain yet beautifully unpredictable. I smiled as I held it in my hand for a few seconds for I wanted to be a part of its journey!
Maybe I could smile for my own journey just as I did for the leaf falling into a stream and embarking on its own winding path :
Perfect piece Shreya.... Loved it 💕